By Stephen Pytak 
   
     There just had to be a better way to do this. 
     It was inevitable that New Line Cinema was going
to pit two of the hardest working hackers in horror
against each other sooner or later.
     But you'd think they'd do some real justice to these
hacks in the process.
     I'm still fuming about it. I can't remember the last
time I wrote a second review about something just
to bitch about it again.
     There's so many things that are so wrong with it.
     I don't know why they got Ronny Yu to direct this 
masterpiece. And I never heard of the writers. But they 
don't have a clue.
     Since when does Jason sneak into a house filled
with a bunch of drunk kids just to kill one guy lying
in bed.
     You'd think he'd nail the guy's stacked girlfriend,
who was taking a shower 10 feet away.
     The Jason I know wouldn't let anyone leave that
house alive.     
     And didn't Jason just return from Hell?
     You'd think he'd be totally pissed.
     Instead, he's taller, he's got a bit of a new look. He's
wearing some kind of Frankenstein-inspired coat now.
And he's slower. And dumber.
     And why isn't Kane Hodder in this?
     Who knows.
     When I plunked down eight bucks to see the 9:40
show opening night, I didn't get what I paid for.
     What I got was the poorest Jason resurrection ever
committed to film; tons of stupid kids, including a 
Jason Mewes clone (Kevin Smith should sue); shreds 
of worthless plot; and a battle at the end which leaves
a lot to be desired.
     The "Freddy Vs. Jason" official movie magazine 
includes a synopsis which will explain the plot in
case you get confused.
     But I doubt anyone's going to give a damn by the 
time the chips are down and the credits roll.
     We've known Jason through 23 years and 10 
films and Freddy for 19 years and seven films. 
     Those of us who've followed their exploits through
thick and thin deserve better.
     In the end (this time around anyway) you'll find 
this really isn't so-much a sequel, but simply 
someone's commercial venture. And it's hardly a
tribute to these icons.
     The movie only makes a few impressions.
     The opening shots of Freddy before he was
burned are excellent, but brief.
     The sequence where Jason is set ablaze in the corn
field was kind of interesting. 
     The start of the final battle in the cabin, where 
Jason puts Freddy through a window then uses his
body to tear down the side is pretty cool.
     But, honestly, Kay-Em 14 did more damage to 
Jason in "Jason X"  than Freddy did.
     Fingers and limbs fly and eyes get poked out, but
I got the feeling the filmmakers were holding back. The
fight to the finish just wasn't what it could have been.
     And, in the Jason dream sequence, Freddy hardly 
scratched Jason's emotional surface.
    Ken Kirzinger does an O.K. job as Jason. He's just 
a big guy who swings his machete on cue and
pushes a door down when he's told to. But he doesn't
have a signature presence, like Hodder.
     Robert Englund will keep you awake with his one
liners. His Freddy make-up is also very good. He puts
in probably the most sincere effort of the bunch. He's
true to his character and perhaps is the best reason
to buy a damn ticket. He does his best with what he's
got to work with.
     Ronny Yu's direction is without theme or purpose.
     Sean S. Cunningham, who produced this thing, 
obviously made some poor decisions. All I can say to
him is better luck next time.
     The one thing that is impressive about "Freddy Vs. 
Jason" is the PR.
     I've never seen the PR train run so hot for one of 
these flicks. The website for "Freddy Vs. Jason" is truly
amazing. They even made Kirzinger's "Jason" look 
good on there.
   There's a CD full of music too. And there are three
covers available, just like "Star Wars," "Harry 
Potter" or "The Lord of the Rings." Christ.
     Then there's the score by Graeme Revelle. It didn't
sound so hot when I heard it through the film. But
it's out there on CD too. 
     Meanwhile, Sideshow Toys has acquired the license
to produce 12-inch figures from the film, the demon
"Freddy" and the Kirzinger "Jason," who will stand
a taller than the 12-inch Brooker "Jason" the company
put on the market earlier in 2003.
     I have to admit, the figures are pretty cool looking.
     Soon we'll be ordering "Freddy Vs. Jason" happy
meals.