By Stephen Pytak 

     One of the best teaser movie posters of the summer
of 2009 is one featuring actress Sienna Miller as
"The Baroness" in Stephen Sommers' "G.I. Joe."
    Actually all the posters for this flick were kind of cool. 
They reminded me of the ones for "The Matrix Reloaded."
I wasn't looking forward the film. Not a G.I. Joe fan.
But my brother and I decided to check it out at a 
Monday matinee for a few laughs. Honestly, the only
reason we decided to go was to see Miller in action.
     Wasn't disappointed with that.
     Her best scenes take place during the chase scene
which leads to the destruction of the Eiffel Tower. 
A total badass, she enters a fancy office building, 
heads for the glass elevator and pushes a woman out.
She said, to my recollection: "Get out, bitch! Nice 
shoes."
     Then the best shoot out takes place as she goes up.
     She's pure summer movie eye candy and, sadly, 
all this movie really has to offer.
     The film is really one long action set piece and one
of the longest toy commercials you'll ever see. The story
is cliche-ridden, horrid, stupid, sappy, rediculous,
frustrating, terrible, yucky. And who I really feel bad
for is Ray Park.
     This is how he celebrates the 10th anniversary
of his eye-popping performance as Darth Maul in
"Star Wars: Episiode I, The Phantom Menace."
    In a few ways, this flick is a knock off of that. There's
an underwater city. They even attempt to do a saber duel
akin the one which made Park famous.
    If you go, bring your sense of humor. If you know
you're going to see crap, you might well tell a few jokes
along the way and have a hell of a good time. 
    If not, fuck it.
    Sadly, I think this is Stephen Sommers' best film. 
Ever see "Van Helsing (2004)?"