By Stephen Pytak 

     The other day, a parent asked me to describe 
Lucio Fulci's "Gates of Hell."
     She was trying to decide whether or not to let 
her 12-year-old son see it.
     "What's it about?" she asked.
     "Let's see. A priest hangs himself and the dead 
start to rise. And some strange stuff starts to 
happen," I said. "People die, then come back to life. 
There are some murders. And maggots. And 
something about one of the gates to Hell being 
open."
     "Is there any nudity?" she asked.
     "Hmmmmmm…" I said as the film ran through 
my mind. "No. But there is a scene with a blow up 
doll. But they don't do much of anything with it."
     "Is it gory?" she asked.
     "Oh yeah," I said. "There's a scene where a 
guy gets his head mounted on a drill press. There's 
also this scene where this girl throws up her 
intestines. It's really something."
     "OOOOOOOOO-KAAAAAAAYYYY…" she said. 
Then she changed the subject.
     I think her 12-year-old is out of luck.
     "Gates of Hell" is not a film for everyone, 
obviously.
     For some people, the gore may be too intense.
     For others, perhaps it's not intense enough.
     A theater owner who recently saw it told me the 
first 20 minutes were "boring."
     I didn't think so. Then again, I'm a die-hard 
Fulci fan. And to me this flick's a little work of art. 
Sometimes the mise en scene is incredible.
     Check out the scene where Giovanni, who plays 
"Bob" the pervert, is hanging around outside that 
old house. There's something in the air. Smoke. 
Mist. I dunno. But it spells trouble. There's evil 
brewing. And it's everywhere. 
     Of course, nothing can beat the film's show
stopping moments. They're the reason anyone 
would buy a ticket to this show or buy it on DVD.
     I still cringe when I see Daniela Doria 
regurgitate those sheep guts. And I still get a charge 
when Giovanni gets his head mounted temple to 
temple on the drill press.
     It's all in fun. Any 12-year-old can tell you that. 
So can a 32-year-old with a 12-year-old mentality.