By Stephen Pytak 

     If you dig jungle girl movies, you probably should add 
this to your collection.
     You won't find yourself drawn into the plot, or find any
mental stimulation in the dialog. Heck, the storyline might
make you roll your eyes or give you a cliche-induced 
headache.
     BUT, the film's heroine, the lovely Analia Ivars (credited 
here as Joan Virly), goes topless for most of the film's 86 
minutes. And, yes, she's quite a sight.
     And if you're game, the film does have some 'it's-so-bad-
it's-good qualities. So if you find it playing a midnight
show somewhere, by all means go. This one might get some
wacky audience reaction.
     Ivars plays "Liana," a girl whose family is killed by 
Amazon warriors, a bunch of white chicks on horses. They
all look like extras imported from France or Italy.
     With the help of some native dude, who tries too hard 
to sound like a native dude with his awful broken English,
she grows up in the wild and befriends a bunch of animals, 
including a monkey she named "Rocky." The early scenes 
with an elephant, giraffe, lion cub and the money are little 
too cutsey for my taste.
     A friend of her father's shows up and gives her a better
idea about what happened to her folks. Turns out her
booze-swilling father was treading on the Amazons' turf 
and stealing their gold. Heck, who can blame them for 
plugging him with arrows.
     But obviously, Liana, doesn't quite get that. She swears
to avenge their folks.
    With her tricked-out, blow-dried '80s hair blowing in the 
wind, and a couple of fox tails hanging around her neck to
ever-so-slightly cover her boobs, Liana sets out on her quest,
heading for the Amazons' home in the Blue Mountains.
   Along the way, she finds a few companions, starting with 
"Koukou (Kapoul)," a clown-ass medicine man.
     Even Liana calls him a "clown" during a scene where 
Koukou challenges her to a fight. And he gets pissed: 
"Stupid girl now must die! No one can call Koukou a clown 
and live!"
     This is hilarious. Someone should put this on YouTube.
     The monkey distracts the crazy native. She kicks Koukou 
in the nuts, wins the fight, says they're now "the best of 
friends," then drags him along on her trip to the Blue 
Mountains. Talk about ruining your day. 
     The trio -- I'm including the monkey here -- run into a
band of upscale white fortune hunters who are headed in
the same direction. One of them, "Bud (Mayans)," claims
he's heard of Liana, as if she's some local legend or 
something. Whatever.
     Eventually, they find Amazon temple and Rena (Leon), 
the sadistic, one-eyed captain of the  Amazonian guards. 
She's kind of a knock off of "The Dyke Queen" played by 
Candy Samples in "Flesh Gordon (1974)."
     They also find the gold. Seems there's quite a bit of it:  
giant urns, the "mysterious emblem of the Blue Mountain," 
which looks like a giant flapjack stuck to a  rock wall, 
Rena's 4-inch long pinky finger nail ring, the spears of the 
Amazon Honor Guard, jewelry including the Amazons' 
Wonder-Woman like arm bands, the bars on the cells, 
the chains holding up the mummies in the crypt, walls 
and more walls, and the whole temple exterior. Christ, this 
is like a jungle Fort Knox. Incidentally:
     "The entire aboveground gold stock is only about 
155,000 (metric tons). If all this gold were put into one lump, 
its size would be 8,000 cubic meters, the volume of which is 
equal to the bottom one-fifth of the Washington Monument 
or 3¼ Olympic size swimming pools," according to James 
Turk, founder of GoldMoney.com
     Anyway our heroes stumble into this place, get knocked
out by some gas and wake up in a cell. After Koukou prays 
with a wand which looks like a salad fork, changing "Hara-
Kuttu-Hara-Kuttu..." he very subtly suggests they might
be in danger: "KOUKOU NOW HAS HEARD VOICE FROM 
HELL! ALL SURE SHALL DIE!"
     After a lame torture scene, we get a lame fight scene
between Liana and Rena, but it's got a lot of jiggle going
for it. If you look close, you'll catch a glimpse of one of
Jess Franco's regulars, Lina Romay, as a guard.
     The DVD has some O.K. special features, including
an interview with Eurocine CEO Daniel Lasoeur. At one point,
he calls "Golden Temple Amazons" a family movie. As long
as mom and dad don't mind all the nudity, sure. 
     I picked up "Golden Temple Amazons" as part of a
Media Blasters, Shriek Show "Jungle Girls" triple pack.
The other two films in the set were "Amazonia: The 
Catherine Miles Story (1985)," which is a slightly better
film; and "Diamonds of Kilamanjaro (1983)," which is
slightly worse.